I'm here and I'm queer...but actually

Friends, Romans, countrypeople – though it feels somewhat unnecessary to announce this over social media, part of me feels compelled, as always, to publically share what I consider to be my journey in identity.

It is after much thought and consideration that I have come to realize that the label of “gay” does not truly encompass all that I feel in my being. I realize how that statement sounds as type the words “in my being” but stick with me. As I have grown in my identity and understanding of myself, I have come to feel less and less comfortable with the binary – a feeling enhanced, I think, by my experience of coming into my own here in the South. This is something I have always known about myself, but had yet to be able to explain in words what my feelings are exactly.

While I feel stably rooted in my male gender identity, my desire for a less restricted and binary form of gender expression has grown. I have also come to realize that while my primary sexual attraction is with men and feels stably rooted therein, I am undeniably panromantic, and want to honor the many deep, meaningful, and truthfully romantic relationships I have shared with women and non-binary individuals over the years. There’s a potential dash of demisexual nature in there, but I’m still working on my issues around sexual intimacy and haven’t fully broken into my understanding of that space yet and understand that my lingering battle with these things may muddle my understanding of that.

It’s not that identifying as gay feels wrong or incorrect. And indeed I think this is the trajectory that I needed to take in life, I simply have grown to feel restricted by that label and what it entails. I am proud to have identified as such for the past few years and would in no way be upset if someone associated me with that label. But as I move forward in my journey with identity, I am moving into a space where I will identify primarily as a panromantic queer boy with a gluten allergy and hipster glasses. That’s right folks, it’s the full package.

In conjunction with that change, I will continue to use he/him/his pronouns, but will be adding in they/them/theirs pronouns to the mix to represent my growing discomfort and misalignment with the binary.

I have been anxious about disclosing this information for a while now for fear of its perception by both those within and outside the LGBTQ+ community. It’s strange to encounter this fear again after having already done the “coming out” gig, and if I’m being honest, most of my anxiety has been about perception and reaction from people within the LGBTQ+ community, as I have seen a lot of in-policing lately. But ultimately, I have come to a place where I feel firmly rooted in my decision to exploring this next chapter in my identity, as it is my journey and no one else’s. My feelings and my identity are my responsibility and I am taking ownership of them. More to come at a later date.

Here’s to life in the queer lane.

Peach and love,

Adam