This Crazy Little Thing Called Life

I have wanted to start a blog for a really long time. In doing so, I don’t think that I have anything particularly new and/or revolutionary to say or share with the world. More so, I guess I just have so much going on inside my head, and as someone who has battled anxiety and depression for years, I do best in life when I have an outlet through which I can release some of what is clouding my mind. That’s really got you hooked, doesn’t it? Clearly I’m great at marketing - read my blog, it has nothing new or revolutionary and is mostly the ramblings of a somewhat emotionally unstable human! This is off to a GREAT start.

I suppose at the end of the day, I want to make connections. I mean that’s what life is about anyway, right? Human connection is the driving force of this crazy journey called life, at least in my humble opinion, and so anything that increases the chances that I can connect and feel less “in my own head” feels like a worthwhile endeavor.

So why has it taken me this long to do this, you ask? Oh, you didn’t ask? That’s ok, I’ll share anyway. The answer is really quite simple: a cyclical shitstorm of internalized self-doubt that is driven by a crippling fear of vulnerability coupled with an impossibly held standard of perfectionism that causes me to compare myself to everyone around me and therefore leads me to never feel good enough. See, A VERY SIMPLE ANSWER.

In short, I live with that constant voice in the back of my head that tells me no one cares to hear what I have to say and nothing I write is good enough or worth anyone’s time. In the past few minutes alone, I have edited those first two paragraphs five times, have started sweating PROFUSELY at the thought of releasing this information into a public forum, and have worked up an intense anxiety poop. I keep looking back and asking myself, “Is this funny, but meaningful, comprehensive, but short enough, interesting, but not setting the bar too high, etc. etc.” Right, exhausting. Welcome to my world.

So, all of this to say, I am making the decision to be bold and try something I have wanted to try for a long time sans expectations of grandeur or validation. In the sea of uncertainty in life, there is one thing of which I am sure, and that is the value and power of connection. What do I want: conversation around the shared experiences of life’s greatest joys and sorrows. When do I want it: NOW…just kidding, whenever is fine.